Getting back into shape after baby...the art of working out just getting there

I have not yet formally introduced my two adorable children but we are going to talk about them anyway and I'll introduce them later. Just five weeks ago at 1:36 AM without any drugs and no sleep for two days my son was born. I was in a euphoric and happy place for about two weeks. Then I realized I have no clothes to wear. My maternity clothes made me look like a commercial for some kind of a weight loss drug and my regular clothes made me look... like nothing because I couldn't get them on. A kind and wonderful woman, whose teenage daughter was given clothes about eight sizes to large, mailed me some pants. This however had me chomping at the bit to get into shape, and improve my mood, through exercise. Graciously giving my body two more weeks to recover I began my campaign on Tuesday. On Tuesday I jogged 1.5 miles. I enjoyed it.. my right knee and calf did not. They said don't run anymore. Incidentally so did my Dr. when I called about something else. So what is a girl to do? I get up at with my son between 4:30 and 5:00 everday. That should give me time to exercise... Don't laugh moms. It really doessn't. I took up swimming. The pool opens at 5:30 for a lap swim. The first day I was there at 5:30 with two ladies in their late sixties. They each lapped me four times. I had left my husband asleep with the baby fussing in the living room so after only 8 discouraging laps I slogged out of the pool ( where I had been doing a fantastic impression of a drowning bird for the last 10 minutes) and hobbled out to the car. I was home by 5:45. The baby was still crying and had spit up all over himself. My husband has become a very sound sleeper.

My second attempt to swim never made it off the ground, or to the pool. Little man rose at 4:00 AM on the dot and protested the hour until 6:00. At this point my daughter will be up at any moment and for my little man's safety I need to be there. She would love him to death if I didn't keep a close eye on her. Yoga! I could do some basic yoga! That would make my calf and knee feel better. Did you know that some people are such over achievers that they can hurt themselves doing yoga?  You don't even have to do it very well ... just push that leg a little two hard and you and your two kids will hang out on your bed while you ice your leg and read Curious George 80 times. Defiantly trying to swim again.

Today was the day. By 5:45 my son was fed and reasonably happy in his swing. I would have made Superman proud with the speed in which I slipped into my suit and sped like a speeding bullet to my car. There my progress was hampered by the speed limit and the fact that I can't go anywhere without the cops following me. They really work hard at keeping me honest. I arrived at the pool at 5:47 ( We live very close). Eagerly I jumped into those icy waters. No longer eager I began to slice through the water like a true athlete.  Ok, that part isn't true. Once again I appeared to be a drowning flamingo. I swam a lap, adjusted my maternity suit ( it's kind of big everywhere but in one place and I don't have another suit) and realized that I only have ten minutes left. Ten blissful minutes all to myself. I splash giddily across the pool 9  more times relishing my freedom. The clock strikes six... I turn into an adult with responsibilities... bummer. I leap from the pool energized and ready to face the day! Actually and I kind slip up of the steps and begin thinking about the laundry and groceries and how I can multi task to get at least a few chores done. Once again I must do my super man impression and get home before my angel gets up and decides to get her brother out of his swing. I do a great superman changing impression except I'm sure super man never knocks his noggin off of the door to his changing room or slips on the water he's dripped everywhere. At least my drowning flamingo is pretty good. It seems to amuse the lifeguard anyway. I arrive home at 6:10 to find my son fighting his blanket and in a rage. It's now 6:40 and while I have written this great work and snuggled him I realize... I get more exercise trying to get exercise than I do actually working out!